haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
