if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
