your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
