I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
