glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just has baby written all over it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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