I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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