i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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