I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
