So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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