dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
