i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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