Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize