Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
