I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
