So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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