you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
