JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
