she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
