she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize