its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
