I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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