I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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