this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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