Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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