I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
