I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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