the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
