She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
