I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
