I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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