listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
