I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
