i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
