rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I believe in your delicious
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
