hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
