apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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