New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
