They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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