foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this will be a night to untag.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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