i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
