does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
