we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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