I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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