Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize