connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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