Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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