I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she told me i tasted like america
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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