he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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