Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
