I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
