the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
