Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
