p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
