I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
