dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
