Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Text me some of your sweat
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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