We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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