well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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