Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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