i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
