The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize