Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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