i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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